Journey With Myself Promotion : Promote to win a top level domains + Hosting!

This is a promotional giveaway where you could win the following prizes: Top Level Domains [Like *.com *.org *.in etc] Premium hosting for 1 year Many domains This promotion will run from Sunday, 12th October’ 2011 to 31st October’ 2011 00:00 hours (mid-night). Result of the promotion will be announced on within a week and prizes will be distributed to all the winners in the next 3 weeks’ time.

Every Day is A New Day

New day.. New office location.. New Seat.. So many new things happened to me before this new year comes. Newness always brings enthusiasm and excitement. Hope this New Year also comes with hand full of surprises as Every Day is a New Day indeed..!!!

12 Most Famous Love Stories of All Time

When: 31 BC Where: Rome and Egypt What’s So Special about Their Love: These two had a love so strong, war was waged against them to break them up. When Mark Antony left his wife, Octavia, for the mesmerizing Cleopatra, Octavia’s brother Octavian brought the army of Rome to destroy them. These two lovers were so entranced with each other that they committed suicide rather than be apart- the ultimate Romeo and Juliet true love story.

Mahatma`s Teachings

I like both the movies MunnaBhai MBBS and Lage Raho MunnaBhai. I dont know about the Gandhi`s political decisions but I believe in his teachings to the nation.

Universal Truth about Boys............lolz!!

Now i truly admit, Google is very very very smart......

Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts

Thursday, October 20, 2011

When Your Heart & Mind Disagree


You are sitting with your cell phone staring at a text message you wrote to your ex hours ago. You debate whether to send it or not. You stare at your phone while your mind tells you to have more respect for yourself. You logically understand that sending the message is not going to make the situation any better – nor will it heal your pain. Then your heart enters the scene and overpowers your mind. Your heart says, “Go ahead, send it, you will feel better…temporarily at least.”

The scenario above represents one example of a misalignment between your heart and your mind that is a common occurrence after a break up. Every decision you make is determined by a combination of your logic and emotion. If these different elements that make you who you are happen to conflict, you will understandably feel conflicted and make decisions that reflect this turmoil.

Your mind says, “I deserve more – this relationship is not right.”
Your heart says, “Stay, it will work out.”


Your heart says, “This relationship is everything I need.”
Your mind says, “There are red flags here that I shouldn’t ignore.”


Your mind says, “I am going to be okay. In fact, before long, I’m going to feel like myself.”
Your heart says, “The pain is excruciating, I don’t think I will ever feel at peace again.”
  

Losing a love is often like losing two people – your love and your best friend. When something newsworthy happens in your life, you may still instinctively think to call or email your ex to share the news. When you realize that you no longer have that privilege, the pain seeps in. The question then becomes – can or should you be friends with your ex after the break up? 

Friday, September 30, 2011

Marketing Models in Internet Marketing




The concept of Internet marketing began in the nineties. As technology developed, more consumers began using the Internet for entertainment and research. Businesses adapted to this trend and began advertising their products and services online. Internet advertising boomed with the growth of major search engines including Google, Yahoo, and MSN. People of all demographic groups use the Internet, and companies can easily access a variety of vertical markets.
Internet marketing is growing in leaps and bounds, and advertising strategies are developing. Strategies include search engine marketing (SEM), affiliate marketing, email marketing, display advertisement, social media optimization, online public relations, mobile analysis, viral marketing, web analytics, and interactive advertising.

Search Engine Marketing

This tool optimizes your online marketing by helping you promote your products and services. When people use search engines, they type particular keywords. Companies work with these keywords to make sure that their products are prominent in a user's search result. They market themselves by identifying key words. Search engine marketing can use paid search methods, local search methods, and product search methods.

Affiliate Marketing

Affiliate marketing is a web-based technique that utilizes a network of companies or websites. Businesses and websites will market other businesses and websites. This marketing practice rewards affiliates. Affiliate programs compensate relationships in three ways: Cost per Sale (CPS), Cost per Click (CPC), and Cost per Action (CPA).

Display Advertising

Banner ads are display advertisements that are targeted towards a page viewer. Banners are strategically placed where people will see them. You can design and display advertisements yourself, or you can hire a professional. Banners can help your company achieve instant results.

Email Marketing

Email marketing is simple and effective. Businesses can use email marketing to maintain contact with existing clients and to seek out new customers. Emails can be generated quickly to a wide variety of demographics. Companies can send targeted emails based on shopping history, geographic location, and personal information. Sometimes, people prefer to receive emails over other forms of communication. In any case, email marketing comes with drawbacks. Excessive and unnecessary emails are referred to as spam and can be problematic to users and businesses. Because of spam, some email inboxes are set to automatically sort and delete emails from online marketing campaigns. People do not always read email advertisements and will delete them instantly.

Social Media Optimization

Social media optimization (SMO) is a term that refers to a combination of different techniques that are used to promote a business or company. This type of marketing focuses on social networking tools like Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter. Social network sites provide access to a wide variety of people with different backgrounds and interests. People from all over the world join these sites to maintain contact with their friends. SMO matches advertisements with social media users. For example, you can pay to target college students, parents, men, or women.

Interactive Advertising

Interactive advertising describes both online and offline tools that businesses use to recruit potential clients. Offline methods include direct sales calls, interactive television, interactive kiosks, and mobile devices. Email marketing, keyword optimization, blogging, and social networking are some of the online techniques that are used for interactive advertising. You can also choose to use other online methods like video advertising and animations.

Online Public Relations

Public relations help businesses gain exposure and credibility. Businesses employ strategies to connect with the public and ensure that people know what is going on. Companies can present their activities strategically to promote themselves. Online techniques include press releases, article marketing, email marketing, blogs, and syndication.

Viral Marketing

With viral marketing, companies use word-of-mouth and popular social networks to spread awareness of a product. These can be photos, videos, songs, or text messages that capture a viewer's interest or attention. In general, viral marketing techniques will capitalize upon something catchy. These could be parodies of songs, movies, or celebrities. Viral marketing can help a company increase its product or service sales.

Mobile Advertising

Mobile advertising makes use of text messaging. The advantage of this method is that people are likely to read their text messages. A growing number of people have internet-enabled phones and can click directly to a company's website. Mobile advertising is becoming increasingly cost effective.

Ad Serving

Ad serving allows you to be more strategic in how you display your advertisements. This technology allows you to determine what ads make the most money, and you can monitor how all of your advertisements perform. You can use ad serving technology to come up with an effective advertising plans and to increase your efficiency. You can save money by being precise.

Web Analytics

Web analytics include statistical and demographic reports for websites. You can collect data about the number of people visiting your site as well as their personal information. Through web analytics, you can customize your website to expand your markets and to meet the needs of your client base.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Learn Lessons from Bad Boss

Poor leaders to be sound teachers

Macho, insensitive bosses share certain characteristics. Their behavior is arrogant, quick-tempered and controlling. Their motives are typically selfish and manipulative. They show little concern for others and few signs of understanding why others don’t trust them. Most of all, they are quite unaware of their failings and the impact they have on their subordinates. No only do they see no need to change, they often make their high-handed behavior a source of pride.

That’s why you can trust them to be some of your best teachers about productivity and success.

Before you decide that I’ve lost my mind, I’ll explain.

Most human beings are amazingly consistent in the way they behave. That’s why we can say of some action, “That isn’t like you,” or “It’s so out of character.” Without that consistency, such a remark would be pointless. And amongst the most consistent groups of all are those who spend least time in any kind of introspection: the extreme extroverts, the loud, slap-you-on-the-back hearty types, the arrogant, the pompous, the selfish and the self-centered — the people who, if they become bosses, are most likely to prove to be bad ones.
Powerful lessons from powerful (and hopelessly unaware) people

Bad bosses can become useful teachers precisely because their behavior tends to be so consistently bad. You can be fairly sure of their motives and intentions, which allows you to compare cause (what they did and probably why they did it) with effect (how it turned out).

The pompous boss, convinced of her superiority and the rightness of whatever she does; the lazy boss, sure that status confers the right to live off other people’s efforts; the rigid, controlling boss, firm in his belief that all subordinates are incompetent without his oversight; all of these (and many more) hold to their actions so tenaciously — and are so blind to what they are doing — that they will provide some of the best lessons in what not to do that you will ever be offered.

Here are seven of the lessons you might come across, beginning with productivity:

* See how much effort bad bosses have to use to make things happen their way; effort that would be unnecessary if they behaved better — all that time spent micro-managing and checking; all the ranting and raving to reduce others to obedience; all the lies and stratagems needed to manipulate others instead of asking them openly.
* See how others react to them; how people become adept at sabotaging their efforts and undermining their success. Even when they dare not oppose the boss openly, subordinates will show great ingenuity in finding other ways to frustrate them.
* Look at the effect bad bosses have on trust — how this type of behavior ruins relationships with customers as well as employees. Once discovered, as it always is in the end, cynical manipulation renders future trust impossible too.
* What about the impact on motivation? Consider how you feel if you find yourself going along with the boss’s bad behavior. Do you feel motivated or depressed? Does it make you want to exert yourself or limit your output to no more than is needed to preserve your safety and career prospects?
* Rigidity next. Most macho bosses see changing a poor decision as an unacceptable sign of weakness. How many times have you seen a bad leader produce disaster from what could have been a triumph, simply because he or she refused to admit to — and change — a bad decision?
* Take some time to consider what survival in the lifestyle of a bad boss demands. Is that how you would be willing to live? Are the rewards they get worth what they have to do to get them?
* Most important, observe the way bad bosses are regarded by those above them. Are they genuinely fooling the top dogs about their weaknesses? Or are those executives simply playing the same game — but far better — manipulating middle and junior managers to enhance their own positions, then throwing them to the wolves when they become too much of an embarrassment?

I’m sure you can think of many more situations where a bad boss has taught you a valuable lesson. Observing and learning from others’ mistakes is as important as learning from your own — and a good deal less painful.

Besides, the macho tough guys can never admit to being wrong. They can’t learn from their own mistakes. Since you can, it’s an advantage you can use for all it’s worth.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

ShahRukh – Gauri: The Real Love Story



Shahrukh’s personal story can never be complete if one were not to talk about his romance and subsequent marriage with Gauri Chhiba, the daughter of retired Major Ramesh Chhiba, who had been born a vegetarian, was a Hindu Brahmin, and even had a temple within his house. Shahrukh being a Muslim in India where religion plays a key role while deciding the destiny of marital alliances, his marrying Gauri whom he had met in 1984 and eventually married in 1991 was indeed a tough task to accomplish.

The relationship between the two had been kept under wraps, and understandably so because Gauri’s parents would not have accepted it. Or, so it seemed for quite some time even while the twosome continued to meet up for six long years. The youngest in a Punjabi joint family with around 15 members, that Gauri would marry someone from her community was a foregone conclusion.

As for Shahrukh, he was willing to do anything to get her in his life, and it is said that he had entered Gauri’s household by posing as Abhimanyu during the girl’s birthdayparty. Abhimanyu…. Who? Yes! The character that Shahrukh had just started to play in the television serial Fauji that was being directed by the retired Lieutenant Colonel Raj Kapoor. The serial based on life in the army had made Shahrukh’s character really popular, and people around even said that he looked quite a bit like Dilip Kumar when he attended the birthday party in Gauri’s house that day.


The story of Shahrukh and Gauri’s relationship continued to add a new chapter with every passing day, and not all of them were bliss-laden as is the case with all human relationships. He was tremendously, in fact uncomfortably possessive about his lady love, so much that he would pick up a quarrel with her even if she let her hair down… literally. Finally, Gauri lost her cool and realized that she wanted to get away from the emotional bedlam in 1989. Without informing Shahrukh, she came down to Mumbai with her pals just a day after the former had celebrated her birthday in his room by decorating it the best way he could have and giving her lots of presents.

It was when Gauri had left for Mumbai that Cupid shot that one decisive arrow. Shahrukh just had gone to the city of dreams where his love had gone, and he ended up telling everything to his mother who was supportive and open-minded as always. Not only did she give her son Rs 10,000, she also advised him to go to Mumbai and get his love back. Shahrukh went there with his friends, and what followed sounds like a chapter straight out of fictional romantic folklore.

In the huge city, he and his friends kept looking for Gauri, and especially around the beachees because of his awareness that she was attracted to them in a big way. On the last day of his stay in Mumbai, since he had run short of financial fuel obviously, a cab guy advised him to go to a place called the Aksa Beach. From there, they ferried across to a place called Gorai and, after searching frantically, managed to track her down when she was standing in the water! Once the duo saw each other, they embraced each other and started crying. That was the defining moment in their relationship, because it was clear to both of them that they need to be with each other all their lives.

The problem the couple apprehended was because of Gauri’s set-up that consisted of simple people who were loyal to Indian social norms and did not question the tenets of tradition: which, in this case, implied that having a son-in-law who belonged to a different religion. This was a thought that would have never crossed their minds. But the time when the twosome had to marry had to surface some day or the other, and that did happen in 1991. The couple went ahead and put up a notice for a court marriage which, according to the Indian marital laws, meant that their names were displayed in front of the court in a notice for one long month.

Shahrukh and Gauri had to hide the notice from their parents, so they did the most obvious thing. They gave a address and said it was their own. The poor fellow had to suffer the repercussions. The parochial among the Hindus made a group and shouted in front of his house, and so did their Muslim counterpart. During those 30 days, the life of his friend was absolutely miserable, but then both Shahrukh and Gauri did not have a choice because they were really concerned about the latter’s parents.

Those 30 days proved to be critical for the young couple. They worked hard towards convincing Gauri’s parents, and eventually managed to make them see their point of view. That they would have a court marriage after the notice period got over was decided upon, and it was on August 26 that this ceremony was finally solemnised in the court. They also got married in keeping with Hindu and Muslim traditions seperately. In fact, it was Gauri who insisted that they should have a Muslim wedding too, and the roots of a secular family set-up had been firmly established be them.

This was the time when Shahrukh was making his initial forays in Bollywood, and among his forthcoming films were Deewana and Raju Bangaya Gentleman while he was shooting for Dil Aashna Hai as well.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Don`t b Rude

I don’t think many people realize this because they think,
as long as the rudeness isn’t directed to me, I don’t have a
problem. I believe that rudeness not only affects the
person they are rude to, but also others. One of the things
I have always tried to make a
safe environment. Noone is allowed to be rude to me or to
anyone. There were no name calling or bullying tolerated at all.

One of the ways to teach this was being respectful.
Greet people with a handshake (which is also an important job skill) and call by names (do remember it carefully).
Everyone actually enjoy this small act of respect that I gave them.

We talked a lot about rudeness and ways that people are rude.
We also talked about how we might not see something one way
but that others would perceive it differently and that we
need to be aware of these perceptions. I notice this when
some people are in a public place and are talking extremely
loudly on their cell phones. This drives me crazy but the
person on the phone never seems to notice other people.

After we do certain acts of rudeness, Don’t stop
there. Instead come up with a replacement
behavior or alternative to the behavior. Just by recognizing
the behavior is not enough. One need to know what else to
do because sometimes rudeness can be a habit. Instead of
making fun of people, practice encouraging them
by applauding after a presentation, or giving them encouraging
words when they are struggling. This behavior
actually improves peer relationships too.

We look at tone of voice and body language too. Sometimes when
we are mad (at others or ourselves) we can be rude to others.
Removing ourselves from a situation or explaining to others how
we are feeling can sometimes help.
Learning self awareness is important. Our actions really do
affect others and can cause negative effects if we are rude.
We need to know what we are doing and why we are doing them in
order to be successful in today’s society.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Life Before Wedding (LBW)

Telugu Cinema has come up with very good realistic movie. I liked it and would like to share it if you
have not seen it. So here it goes.


The film is all about the ever-changing relationships that influence the
lives of different people.


The film has two parallel stories which chronicle the lives of these six characters
and how their relationships change over a period of time.
The film revolves around two stories, six main characters and their journey
make certain decisions that will set to change their lives irrevocably.


Story one : Rishi (Siddhu) and Jai (Abhijeet) are good friends living in Hyderabad.
While Rishi is a little temperamental and hyperactive, Jai is quite cool and like the saying opposite
poles attract, they become good friends. They come across Anu (Nishanti Evani).
Anu is a systematic, principled girl and is quite reserved girl. She does not
entertain Rishi, who attempts to flirt her. This helps Jai to get close to Anu
and develop friendship, which turns into love finally. While this triangular
love story runs in India. Jai got an offer to work abroad. He went away for work but
Anu`s parents started finding good match for her marriage.
Anu asked Jai to come and marry her but he got so busy in her work that coudln`t
come back to India to marry Anu. Finally Anu`s marriage fixed to some other guy.
He came in the end just before one hour left in marriage and asked to stop the marriage
but in vain. He lost Anu and regrets about it.


Story two : Another love story runs parallel in Dallas,U.S.A. Rajesh (Rohan) and Radhika (Chinmayi)
are also good friends. Once Radhika feels like she was in love with Rajesh and
proposes him. However, Rajesh is under the impression that theirs is a deep
friendship and rejected her offer. Now, Varun (Asif Tej), an Indian-born American
enters their lives. Varun develop friendship with Radhika which turns into love
and they both get married. Now Rajesh aslo realised her love for Radhika but its
too late and he lost Radhinka and regrets about it.

BUT BUT BUT

In a twist of fate, the events change dramatically and as situations
unfold between the characters, they stand at crossroads where future is staring in
their faces with changes irreversible!

DESTINY has its own plans.
In The END : Rajesh and Anu both who lost their love and get married by chance.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

12 Most Famous Love Stories of All Time

1. Cleopatra and Mark Antony



When: 31 BC

Where: Rome and Egypt

What’s So Special about Their Love: These two had a love so strong, war was waged against them to break them up. When Mark Antony left his wife, Octavia, for the mesmerizing Cleopatra, Octavia’s brother Octavian brought the army of Rome to destroy them. These two lovers were so entranced with each other that they committed suicide rather than be apart- the ultimate Romeo and Juliet true love story.

2. Napoleon and Josephine



When: 1800′s

Where: France

What’s So Special about Their Love: Napoleon was immediately smitten when he saw the beautiful Josephine, but it took him years to woo her. Once they were together, theirs was a stormy romance full of infidelity and drama. When Josephine could not produce him an heir, Napoleon left her for another woman, and she died of a broken heart. Napoleon never got over Josephine – rumor has it that he carried violets from her garden in his locket until he died.

3. Juan and Evita Peron



When: 1940′s

Where: Argentina

What’s So Special about Their Love: Juan Domingo and Evita were the ultimate political power couple. After raising herself up from poor beginnings, Evita charmed Juan Domingo and the two fell in love. They changed the entire scope of Argentinian government and became one of the most beloved political couples of the era. Just after one of their biggest political victories, Evita tragically died of cancer.


4. Prince Edward and Wallis Simpson



When: 1900′s

Where: England

What’s So Special about Their Love: Edward made big news – and big changes to the British monarchy – when he fell for the charming (and married!) Wallis Simpson. Wallis, an American who was unable to be a British queen, soon divorced her husband in 1934, and the two embarked on a wild romance. Edward became King of England in 1936, but he soon abdicated the throne to be married to the woman he loved.

5. Voltaire and Emilie du Chatelet



When: 1700′s

Where: France

What’s So Special about Their Love: Voltaire was a brilliant playwright and author who was beloved by French royal society, and Emilie was a young, intelligent socialite.

Emilie was married to the Marquis du Chatelet, but neither she nor Voltaire cared about what people thought – they went out and about together as a couple for the fifteen years until Emilie died, even living together in a house owned by her husband. These two were not only attracted to each other physically, but even more so attracted to each other’s superior intellect.

6. Czar Nicholas II and Alexandra Federovna



When: late 1800′s – early 1900′s

Where: Russia

What’s So Special about Their Love: Nicholas, the future Czar of Russia, fell in love with the lovely German princess Alexandra. Against the wishes of both families, they were determined to be together, and were well-known for their public displays of affection! When the Bolsheviks took the Russian royal family captive, Alexandra and Nicholas were executed. Together.


7. Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor



When: 1960′s

Where: United States

What’s So Special about Their Love: Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor starred together in many movies, including the story of Mark Antony and Cleopatra! Their chemistry and sexual attraction to each other could not be contained, even though they were both married to other people when their love story began.

They married, but their tumultuous relationship burned out quickly, and they divorced… only to remarry each other 16 months later in Africa!


8. Lord Nelson and Lady Emma Hamilton



When: late 1700′s

Where: England

What’s So Special about Their Love: Emma is a famous beauty who was a muse to artist George Romney – her loveliness is featured in many of his paintings. Emma was married to Sir William Hamilton, while Lord Nelson was married to the Lady Fanny Nelson. When they met, the gorgeous Emma was so taken with Lord Nelson that she fainted against him, calling out, “Oh, God, is this possible?!” What a meeting! They lived together with her husband for several years in an audacious affair that captivated London.


9. Tristan and Isolde



When: 1200′s AD

Where: Ireland

What’s So Special about Their Love: Tristan falls in love with his beloved uncle King Mark’s wife, Isolde. Involved in a bitter love triangle where all parties have love and respect for the other, Tristan and Isolde cannot deny their passion for each other and ultimately begin an adulterous affair. When King Mark finds out, he flies into a rage and kills his nephew Tristan with a poisoned sword. When Isolde learns of his death and sees his corpse, she dies of grief and falls over upon him.

10. Pyramus and Thisbe



When: 331 BC

Where: Babylonia

What’s So Special about Their Love: Pyramus was the most gorgeous man and Thisbe the most beautiful maiden in Babylonia. Neighbors and childhood friends, they were forbidden to marry by their parents. One night, they planned to meet and run away together, but a mountain lion attacked Thisbe. She escaped, but the mountain lion took her veil.

When Pyramus saw her bloodied veil in the mountain loin’s mouth, he believed she’d been killed, and so he stabbed himself with his sword. When Thisbe saw Pyramus dead, she picked up his sword and killed herself also. What star-crossed lovers!


11. Prince Khurram and Mumtaz Mahal Begum



When: 1600 AD

Where: India

What’s So Special about Their Love: Prince Khurrum (who later became Shah Jahan) fell passionately in love with the beautiful, graceful Arjumand Banu Begum (who he later renamed Mumtaz Mahal) when she was only fourteen. Although he had two other wives, Mumtaz Mahal was the love of his life. They traveled everywhere together, and when she died in childbirth delivering their fourteenth child, Shah Jahan commissioned the Taj Mahal be built in her honor.


12. Prince Saleem and Anarkali



When: 1615 AD

Where: Lahore

What’s So Special about Their Love: Prince Saleem, son of Mughal Emperor Akbar, fell in love with the lovely slave girl Anarkali. Akbar and his wife Jodha were shamed by their son’s love for a common servant, and they forbid him to see her. Instead, Prince Saleem declared war on his father.

After a battle, Akbar defeated his son and demanded that Saleem either surrender Anarkali or be killed. Prince Saleem chose death, but Anarkali could not see her love killed – instead, she gave her up life in exchange for one night with Prince Saleem. After their one night together, Akbar had her buried alive in a brick tomb that still stands today.

Monday, April 11, 2011

this would change your perception about all your relations and brighten your day for sure..!!!

TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".

Saturday, April 9, 2011

CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up a nd discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

Friday, April 8, 2011

NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."

It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.

It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations..

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Right Speech

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered," You should appreciate that you married me. Other wise, he will be the millionaire and not you."

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Virgo - MY ZODIAC SIGN

Virgo! About Your Sign...

Virgo is the only zodiacal sign represented by a female. It is sometimes thought of as a potentially creative girl, delicately lovely; sometimes as a somewhat older woman, intelligent but rather pedantic and spinsterish. The latter impression is sometimes confirmed by the Virgoan preciseness, refinement, fastidious love of cleanliness, hygiene and good order, conventionality and aristocratic attitude of reserve. They are usually observant, shrewd, critically inclined, judicious, patient, practical supporters of the status quo, and tend toward conservatism in all departments of life. On the surface they are emotionally cold, and sometimes this goes deeper, for their habit of suppressing their natural kindness may in the end cause it to atrophy, with the result that they shrink from committing themselves to friendship, make few relationships, and those they do make they are careful to keep superficial.

But the outward lack of feeling may, in some individuals born under this sign, conceal too much emotion, to which they are afraid of giving way because they do not trust others, nor do they have confidence in themselves and their judgments. This is because they are conscious of certain shortcomings in themselves of worldliness, of practicality, of sophistication and of outgoingness. So they bring the art of self concealment to a high pitch, hiding their apprehensiveness about themselves and their often considerable sympathy with other people under a mantle of matter-of-factness and undemonstrative, quiet reserve. They are still waters that run deep. Yet in their unassuming, outwardly cheerful and agreeable fashion, they can be sensible, discreet, well spoken, wise and witty, with a good understanding of other people's problems which they can tackle with a practicality not always evident in their own personal relationships.

Both sexes have considerable charm and dignity, which make some male Virgoans appear effeminate when they are not. In marriage they can be genuinely affectionate, making good spouses and parents, but their love making is a perfection of technique rather than the expression of desire, and they must be careful not to mate with a partner whose sex drive requires a passion they cannot match.

They are intellectually enquiring, methodical and logical, studious and teachable. They combine mental ingenuity with the ability to produce a clear analysis of the most complicated problems. They have an excellent eye for detail but they may be so meticulous that they neglect larger issues. Also, although they are realists, they may slow down projects by being too exact.
They are practical with their hands, good technicians and have genuine inventive talents, Thoroughness, hard work and conscientiousness are their hallmarks, and they are such perfectionists that, if things go wrong, they are easily discouraged. Because of their ability to see every angle of a many-sided question, they are unhappy with abstract theorizing. Appreciating the many different points of view as they do, they find philosophical concepts difficult, and they vacillate and have no confidence in any conclusions at which they arrive.

With these qualities, they are better as subordinates than leaders. Responsibility irks them and they often lack the breadth of strategic vision that a leader needs Virgoans are essentially tacticians, admirable in the attainment of limited objectives. Their self distrust is something they project on to other people and tends to make them exacting employers, though in the demands they make on those under them they temper this attitude with justice. They have potential abilities in the arts, sciences and languages. Language especially they use correctly, clearly, consciously and formally, as grammarians and etymologists rather than for literary interests, yet they are likely to have a good memory for apt quotations. Although they are well suited for careers in machine drawing, surveying and similar occupations, they are better fitted for a job in a library or office than a workshop.

Their minds are such that they need the stimulus of practical problems to be solved rather than the mere routine or working to set specifications that need no thought. They are careful with money and their interest in statistics makes them excellent bookkeepers and accountants. They also make good editors, physicists and analytical chemists. They may also find success as welfare workers, ministering to those less fortunate than themselves. They can be doctors, nurses, psychologists, teachers, confidential secretaries, technologists, inspectors, musicians, critics, public speakers and writers especially of reference works such as dictionaries and encyclopedias. Both sexes have a deep interest in history, a feature recognized by astrological authorities for at least two hundred years. If they go in for a business career their shrewdness and analytical ingenuity could tempt them into dishonesty, though they usually have enough moral sense to resist temptation. Female Virgoans may find a career in fashion, for they have a flair for dress, in which they can be trend setters. In any profession they choose the natives of this sign readily assimilate new ideas, but always with caution, conserving what they consider worth keeping from the past. They love country life but are unlikely to make good farmers, unless they can contrive to carry out their work without outraging their sense of hygiene and cleanliness.

Their faults, as is usual with all zodiacal types, are the extremes of their virtues. Fastidious reticence and modesty become old-maidishness and persnicketiness; balanced criticism becomes carping and nagging; and concern for detail becomes overspecialization. Virgoans are liable to indecision in wider issues and this can become chronic, turning molehills of minor difficulties into Himalayas of crisis. Their prudence can become guile and their carefulness, turned in on themselves, can produce worriers and hypochondriacs.
Possible Health Concerns...

Virgo is said to govern the hands, abdomen, intestines, spleen and central nervous system. Illnesses to which its natives are prone include catarrh, cold, coughs, pleurisies, pneumonia and nervous instabilities. Their natures make them inclined to worry and this makes them vulnerable to stomach and bowel troubles, including colic and ulcers. Male Virgoans may have trouble with their sexual organs. Both sexes are strongly interested in drugs and esoteric cuisine and as their delicate stomachs require them to be careful about their diet, it is essential that they treat their fascination with exotic food with extreme care.

horoscopes

* LIKES Health foods
* Lists
* Hygiene
* Order
* Wholesomeness

* DISLIKES Hazards to health
* Anything sordid
* Sloppy workers
* Squalor
* Being uncertain

PROBLEMS THAT MAY ARISE FOR YOU, AND THEIR SOLUTIONS

As with all sun signs, we all have unique traits to our personalities. When these traits are suppressed, or unrealized, problems will arise. However, with astrology we can examine the problem and assess the proper solution based on the sun sign characteristics. As a Virgo you may see things below that really strike home. Try the solution, you most likely will be amazed at the results. If you find yourself on the receiving end of the negatives below, it is because you are failing to express the positive.

Problem: Finding yourself frequently alone and unable to keep friends for more than a few weeks.
Solution: Try not to be argumentative over much and the constant criticism that Virgos give to their companions are not endearing qualities to have. Try to live and let live, they will love you for it.

Problem: People tend to avoid making close contact with you.
Solution: Being too preoccupied with health and making it a continual topic of conversation. Try to keep your tips and suggestions about health and health products to yourself unless asked for them.

Problem: Dissatisfied with the way your life is turning out; no excitement or change to speak of.
Solution: You may be restricting yourself by reducing your life to a set of theories and pigeon-holes. Try to express the positive by first asking yourself, Who or what are you serving; are you devoted or are you enslaved. Answer those questions and then start a new path that includes your true worth.

Problem: You may feel that your life and your climb to success is a steep hill that you may never be able to scale.
Solution: Try expressing the positive traits of your finely tuned analytical reasoning, employing the light touch with employees and coworkers, while expressing genuine concern for all; You will find those mountains turning into hills that you run right over.

horoscopes

Your ruling planet is MERCURY

Mean distance from the Sun (AU) 0.387
Sidereal period of orbit (years) 0.24
Equatorial radius (km) 2,439
Polar radius (km) 2,439
Body rotation period (hours) 1,408
Tilt of equator to orbit (degrees) 0
Number of observed satellites 0

The Virgin is the entity that is associated with your sign. The above picture is of the grotto in Lourdes, France where the Virgin appeared to the children. In the upper right you will see a statute of The Lady. The Virgin imparts purity of intent to the actions of the persons born under the sign of Virgo.

The colors for Virgo are GREEN AND DARK BROWN

Starstone is Sardonyx

Starstone is the beautiful, SARDONYX. The Sardonyx can be found with many different colored bands on it but the one suggested for Virgo is that of the reddish brown variety. It is in the quartz family and is mined around the world.

Some Famous Virgoeans That Share Your Sign!
August 23, 1970 - River Phoenix - Actor
August 24, 1770 - Friedrich Hegal - Writer
August 24, 1944 - Chris Chubbock - Celebrity
August 25, 1918 - Leonard Bernstein - Conductor
August 25, 1918 - George Wallace - Politician
August 25, 1930 - Sean Connery - Actor
August 25, 1933 - Regis Philbin - TV Personality
August 25, 1947 - Anne Archer - Actress
August 25, 1954 - Elvis Costello - Singer
August 26, 1819 - Prince Albert - Royalty
August 26, 1904 - Christopher Isherwood - Religious Figure
August 26, 1921 - Zipporah Dobyns - Astrologer
August 26, 1923 - Richard Attenborough - TV Host
August 27, 1871 - Theodore Dreiser - Writer
August 27, 1908 - Lyndon Johnson - President USA
Auguat 27, 1910 - Mother Teresa - Humanitarian
August 27, 1929 - Yasser Arafat - Political Figure
August 27, 1931 - Sri Chinmoy - Religious Leader
August 27, 1939 - Pee Wee Herman - Comdian
August 27, 1943 - Tuesday Weld - Actress
August 28, 1749 - Johann V. Goethe - Writer
August 29, 1876 - Frances Kettering - Engineer
August 29, 1907 - Don Loper - Designer
August 29, 1962 - Maeterlinck - Historical Figure
August 29, 1915 - Ingrid Bergman - Actress
August 29, 1938 - Elliot Gould - Actor
August 29, 1958 - Michael Jackson - Singer
August 30, 1797 - Mary Godwin Shelley - Writer
August 30, 1943 - Jean Claud Killy - Skier
August 31, 1880 - Queen Wilhelmina - Neth. Royalt
August 31, 1903 - Arthur Godfrey - Entertainer
August 31, 1908 - William Saroyan - Writer
August 31, 1916 - Daniel Schorr - Jounalist
August 31, 1924 - Buddy Hacket - Actor
August 31, 1928 - James Coburn - Actor
August 31, 1949 - Richard Gere - Actor
August 31, 1950 - Arthur Bremer - Criminal
September 1, 1875 - William Rice Burroughs - Writer
September 1. 1907 - Walter Reuther - Union Official
September 1, 1924 - Rocky Marciano - Boxer
September 1, 1938 - Alan Dershowitz - Attorney
September 1, 1939 - Lilly Tomlin - Comediene
September 1. 1957 - Gloria Estefan - Singer
September 2, 1919 - Marge Champion - Dancer
September 2, 1948 - Terry Bradshaw - Sports Figure
September 2, 1951 - Mark Harmon - Actor
September 2, 1961 - Michael Thiessen - Astrologer
September 3, 1935 - Eileen Brennan - Actress
September 3, 1943 - Valarie Perrine - Actress
September 3, 1965 - Charlie Sheen - Actor
September 4, 1530 - Ivan the Terrible - Royalty
September 4, 1824 - Anton Bruckner - Composer
September 4, 1896 - Antinon Artaud - Writer
September 4, 1908 - Richard Wright - Inventor
September 4, 1913 - Micky Cohen - Gangster
September 4, 1918 - Paul Harvey - Broadcaster
September 4, 1920 - Craig Claiborne - Writer
September 4, 1929 - Tomas Eagelton - Politician
September 5, 1912 - John Cage - Musician
September 5, 1913 - John Mitchell - Politician
September 5, 1927 - Paul Volcker - Federal Reserve
September 5, 1902 - Darryl F. Zanuck - Producer
September 5, 1929 - Bob Newhart - Actor
September 5, 1940 - Raquel Welch - Actress
September 6, 1888 - Joseph Kennedy Sr. - Famous Family
September 6, 1860 - Jane Adams - Social Worker
September 6, 1944 - Swoosie Kurtz - Actress
September 7, 1887 - Edith Sitwell - Writer
September 7, 1900 - Taylor Caldwell - Writer
September 7, 1924 - Daniel Inouye - Politician
September 7, 1943 - Peter Lynch - Financial Wiz
September 7, 1936 - Buddy Holly - Singer
September 8, 1841 - Antonin Dvorak - Composer
September 8, 1889 - Robert Taft - Politician
September 8, 1922 - Lyndon Larouche - Celebrity
September 8, 1924 - Grace Metalious - Writer
September 8, 1925 - Peter Sellers - Actor
September 8, 1948 - Sam Nun - Politician
September 9, 1890 - Jimmy “the Greek Snyder - Celebrity
September 9. 1925 - Cliff Robertson - Actor
September 9, 1941 - Otis Redding - Musician
September 9, 1951 - Michael Keaton - Actor
September 10, 1929 - Arnold Palmer - Sport Figure
September 10, 1934 - Charles Kuralt - Journalist
September 10, 1945 - Jose Feliciano - Singer
September 10, 1948 - Margaret Trudeau - Political Wife
September 10, 1953 - Amy Irving - Actress
September 10, 1924 - Tom Landry - Sports Figure
September 11, 1862 - O. Henry - Writer
September 11, 1885 - D.H. Lawrence - Writer
September 11, 1932 - Bob Packwood - Politician
September 11, 1940 - Brian Depalma - Director
September 11, 1962 - Kristy McNichol - Actress
September 12, 1880 - Henry L. Menken - Writer
September 12, 1888 - Maurice Chevalier - Actor
September 12, 1940 - Linda Gray - Actress
September 13, 1819 - Clara Schumann - Composer
September 13, 1857 - Milton Hershey - Industrialist
September 13, 1905 - Claudette Colbert - Actress
September 13, 1944 - Jacqueline Bissett - Actress
September 13, 1948 - Nell Carter - Actress
September 14, 1879 - Margaret Sanger - Activist
September 15, 1789 - George Fenimore Cooper - Writer
September 15, 1857 - William H. Taft - President US
September 15, 1880 - Agatha Christie - Writer
September 15, 1922 - Jackie Cooper - Actor
September 16, 1638 - Lousi XIV 'Sun King' - Royalty
September 16, 1924 - Lauren Bacall - Actress
September 16, 1926 - Rev. Robert Schuller - Religious Leader
September 17, 1907 - Warren Burger - U.S. Justice
September 17, 1931 - Anne Bancroft - Actress
September 17, 1948 - John Ritter - Actor
September 18, 1916 - Rossano Brazzi - Actor
September 18, 1962 - Refrigerator Perry - Sports Figure
September 18, 1905 - Greta Garbo - Actress
September 19, 1928 - Mickey Mouse - Cartoon Character
September 19, 1941 - Cass Elliot - Singer
September 19, 1948 - Jeremy Irons - Actor
September 19, 1949 - Twiggy - Model
September 19, 1950 - Joan Lunden - TV Personality
September 20, 1853 - Chulalonghorn, Siam - Royalty
September 20, 1878 - Upton Sinclare - Writer
September 20, 1928 - Dr. Joyce Brothers - Psychologist
September 20, 1934 - Sophia Loren - Actress
September 21, 1874 - Gustave Holst - Composer
September 21, 1866 - H. G. Wells - Writer
September 21, 1931 - Harry Hagman - Actor
September 21, 1944 - Hamilton Jordon - Press Secretary
September 21, 1947 - Stephen King - Writer
September 21, 1950 - Bill Murray - Actor
September 22, 1932 - Ingemar Johansson - Boxer
September 22, 1960 - Joan Jett - Singer
September 22, 1960 - Tai Babilonia - Skater

The Zodiac is made up of 12 different sun signs. Your date of birth determines which one you are. Chek out yours..

* Aries - March 21 - April 20
* Taurus - April 21 - May 21
* Gemini - May 22 - June 21
* Cancer - June 22 - July 22
* Leo - July 23 -August 23
* Virgo - August 22 - September 22
* Libra - September 24 - October 23
* Scorpio - October 24 - November 22
* Sagittarius - November 23 - December 21
* Capricorn - December 22 - January 20
* Aquarius - January 21 - February 19
* Pisces - February 20- March 20

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Radha Krishna

Krishna was with all the devos in sabha. He started to vibrate and from his own body his shakti came out in the form of Radha. She was so beautiful, and Krishna was so shyam. Someone made fun of their couple. Radha got angry and cursed him. That same person cursed Radha and said she will never be able to unite with Krishna (will not get married).

However, there is the story of Radha and Krishna getting married by Brahma in the forest.

Radha is Krishna's energy/shakti. He cannot live without her, and she cannot live without him. She is not a woman, nor a jiva. She is a part of Krishna. She did not take birth. She emerged from him. Literally, they are one. You cannot have an image of Krishna alone. Krishna alone is incomplete without his Radha.

In some descriptions, radha was actually a married woman. it was she who is said to indulge in an affair with krishna. even if it was not so, the relationship of radha and krishna were on a different plane, and they were actually the same being, just god in the form of man and woman. their love was pure and spiritual, and cannot be purified further by the bond of marriage.

Radha and Krishna are said to be one. Their love is eternal. What is marriage? Marriage is a sacrament (Sanskara), a rite enabling two individuals to start their journey in life together. In a Hindu wedding, the multiplicity of creation becomes possible when spirit (Purush) unites with matter (Prakritti). Krishna and Radha being one did not need the basis of marriage.

This is of course my point of view, from what i have read and gathered. I myself am totally in love with Lord Krishna.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Please......

Please avoid playing with the lives of others. Better to avoid them than hurting their feelings.

Imagine yourself in the receiver`s shoes and stop playing around. Don’t get close when you know you won`t be taking forward that relationship or be prepared to take it forward!!!

Makes a lot of sense doesn’t it?

Friday, March 19, 2010

When Life Seems Out of Control

Just when you think life seems out of control,
sometimes things actually get worse.
You must keep in mind that even though things around you
seem out of control and hopeless that the reality of the
situation is that you as a person are not!
There are things in your life that happen that are out
of your hand' s. During this time though you have to
remember that even though your life seems chaotic and
confusing there are certain things you do have the power
to change.

Things You'll Need:

* time
* patience
* wisdom
* determination

The first thing is that you have the capacity to change your mindset!
Your mindset can be your worst enemy or your best advocate
but you have to be the one to choose. This is not something that you may
have to choose just one time either ...
every single day you have to get up with determination in your heart!
There are better things in store for you.

You have the capacity to change your attitude!
Realize that this is not happening to destroy you as an individual.
There may have been circumstances that have played out in your life
that may have been intended to hurt or destroy you.
However, you will have the victory over these things and those people.

Thirdly, you have the capacity to keep your health in check!
Life can get depressing and things get left go along with unpaid bills...
do not let this be your health. Take a few minutes every day to go for
a walk, run, and make yourself something healthy to eat.
It is all to easy to turn to comfort food to help you somehow "cope"
with the loss. Turn to what can actually help you long term in your
overall vitality: which is... better eating, more exercise, embrace
the people in your life to help you and do this together.

Fourth step to remember is that you have the capacity to still be
there for your family! In spite of your situation do not check out on
your wife, husband, or children. There are incredibly trying times
that can destroy your personal relationships.
Stress, tension, and utter frustrations can make you an entirely
different human being to those living with you.
Take control of your actions and words and respect each others
boundaries and feelings. You can say whatever you want to if you want to
live a boundary less life and cause irreversible damage to those you
live with. If you want to maintain a peaceful and nurturing home than
it is time to figure out how to control your mouth, opinions, and
brashness.

And lastly, you have the capacity to CHANGE the CIRCUMSTANCE!
You have found yourself in the middle of a crisis, whether it be
financial, relational, or physical. All of these things you may never
have expected or thought could happen to you!
The wonderful news is this ... you still have breath in your lungs!
You also have a mind that God gave you to use and do something with
besides hold your ears separate from one another!
Use your mind to think about what your to do and pray very hard that
you have wisdom.

"Finally ... whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is just,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever things are of a good report,
if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things"

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

BIG word SACRIFICE in LOVE

Loving someone unconditionally is to love him for whom he is without any expectations. It is not easy to learn about an abstract concept like love.

To understand the basis for a deeper and meaningful relationship with unconditional love,

Take responsibility for how you react to a person or situation. You are the one that determines if you are happy or sad. Prevent the blame game and gain control over your life and love.

Approach your love relationship without any predetermined mindset. Know that nobody is perfect and everyone has her own gifts and shortcomings.

Give the space and freedom the other person needs. To love someone deeply is to grow together in the spirit. Controlling the other person does not assure you of a secure relationship. The feeling of your partner's love is enough security.

Believe that love given in its truest form comes back one way or the other. Give yourself wholeheartedly without any boundaries. Love is possible without hurt only when ego is dropped completely.

Accept your partner and their limitations without any judgment.
Grow in the relationship based on trust and sacrifice instead of self-satisfaction alone.

Never think Marriage is the ultimate goal of love. Family, Values, Acceptance, Trust & Confidence bring zeal to life.

Love the other person for their existence in your life than for what they do for you.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Understanding Myself

What do i actually want has become the biggest question of my life which
I am facing these days.

"samajh samajh kai jo naa samjhe meri samajh mai wo nasamajh hai"

I am proving the phrase by doing the same mistake again & again & again.

People come & go after leaving their strong impression in life.
Attachment happens easily but detachment.. uff! It is the real scary thing
i always fear of.

Missing some one & holding onto the memories for so long is quite obvious.
You get habitual of talking to some1, seeing them, meeting them or going out
with them and one day you make an decision to separate..

But its not as simple as that.

But as they say time heals everything and everything happens for the reason.
I am hoping to get out of my old memories (all bad ones) and focus on myself now.

But hey wait.. this is what i am not clear about in this present state of mind.

I am having so much of expectations from myself only and I am the only one who
is not able to fulfill any.

I guess i need to understand myself by trying different things.
God knows where i will stick now and get addicted again..

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Marriage - The BIG Question.....?

The question - that should you propose marriage, or should you say yes to his/her proposal haunts many of you in relationships. When should you marry? What are the pre-requisites for that? Let us find out.

The first need, of course, is that both of you love each other. It should not be infatuation or plain old lust, but love. To be in love means, you like to be with that person. You enjoy his/her togetherness. You care for her/him and you can trust that person. Being in love means that you can share your deepest secrets without fear and give and expect support. Being in love means that your object of love is the most important person in your life and you would not like to leave him/her for anybody else. If any of these conditions are not met, it is not love but something else. Oh, yes, one last requirement - your heart should pound every time you talk to your loved or look at him/her.

If you are in love and if your partner reciprocates it with the same intensity then the next would be interests. What is common between both of you? If he is a liberal and you are a conservative to the core, life would be a little difficult. We are not talking in political terms, but about attitude and values. If you do not value what he/she values, your relationship will not prosper. If your values say that you must be honest at all times, and his/her values allow lies now and then, you are sure to get into a conflict after some time.

The third requirement is life goals. Are you sharing common goals? Your goal may be to earn lot of money even at the cost of family life and his/her need may be to live happily even if money is less, you will again clash. Values and goals are important. They play a bigger role in life after the initial euphoria of love is over. The last need is - are you feeling safe committing to him/her? Are you feeling safe committing or would like to search around more? Once you can decide that all these are in the right place, you should marry. Otherwise, life may be full of acrimony, dissatisfaction and regrets. It will not be a happy marriage but a marriage that has to be carried through. That will give no pleasure.


the rule of care (meet each other's most important emotional needs), the rule of protection (avoid being the cause of each other's unhappiness), the rule of time (schedule time each week to give each other undivided attention) and the rule of honesty (be totally honest with each other).

Marry the man who has everything you want, at least at the time of your marriage.

Friday, September 12, 2008

The Power of Three Little Words

Some of the most significant messages people deliver to one another often come in just three words. When spoken or conveyed, those statements have the power to forge new friendships, deepen old ones and restore relationships that have cooled. The following three-word phrases can enrich every relationship.

I'LL BE THERE - Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we are truly present for other people, important things happen to them and to us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. 'Being there' is at the very very core of civility.

I MISS YOU - Perhaps more marriages could be salvaged and strengthened if couples simply and sincerely said to each other, "I miss you." This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired and loved.

I RESPECT YOU - Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that
another person is a true equal. It is a powerful way to affirm the importance of a relationship.

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT - This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring
frayed emotions. The flip side of "maybe you're right" is the humility of admitting "maybe I'm wrong."

PLEASE FORGIVE ME - Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

I THANK YOU - Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.

COUNT ON ME - "A friend is one who walks in when others walk out," Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship; it is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those who are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there, indicating "you can count on me."


LET ME HELP - The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot a hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in and help.

I UNDERSTAND YOU - People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting others know in so many little ways that you understand him or her is one of the most powerful tools for healing your relationship.

GO FOR IT - Some of your friends may be non conformists, have unique projects and unusual hobbies. Support them in pursuing their interests. Rather than urging your loved ones to conform, encourage their uniqueness-everyone has dreams that no one else has.

I suppose the 3 little words that you were expecting to see have to be reserved for those who are special; that is I LOVE YOU.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Passive Aggressive

I know a couple people like this (and if you are reading this,
it's not you). It is my hot button. When someone behaves like this,
I just want to choke the life out of them.
Instead of going to jail, I choose not to be around people like this. :-)

Passive Aggressive (adj.) Of, relating to, or having a personality disorder
characterized by habitual passive resistance to demands for adequate
performance in occupational or social situations,
as by procrastination, stubbornness, sullenness, and inefficiency.

Covert (adj.) Not openly shown, engaged in,
or avowed : VEILED
Passive Aggressive Behavior Defined:

Passive Aggressive behavior is a form of covert abuse1.
When someone hits you or yells at you, you know that you've been abused.
It is obvious and easily identified. Covert abuse is subtle and
veiled or disguised by actions that appear to be normal,
at times loving and caring.
The passive aggressive person is a master at covert abuse.

Passive aggressive behavior stems from an inability to express anger
in a healthy way. A person's feelings may be so repressed that they
don't even realize they are angry or feeling resentment.
A passive aggressive can drive people around him/her crazy
and seem sincerely dismayed when confronted with their behavior.
Due to their own lack of insight into their feelings the
passive aggressive often feels that others misunderstand them or,
are holding them to unreasonable standards if they are confronted
about their behavior.

Common Passive Aggressive Behaviors:

* Ambiguity: I think of the proverb, "Actions speak louder than words"
when it comes to the passive aggressive and how ambiguous they can be.
They rarely mean what they say or say what they mean.
The best judge of how a passive aggressive feels about an issue is how they act.
Normally they don't act until after they've caused some kind of stress by
their ambiguous way of communicating.

* Forgetfulness: The passive aggressive avoids responsibility by "forgetting."
How convenient is that? There is no easier way to punish someone than forgetting
that lunch date or your birthday or, better yet, an anniversary.

* Blaming: They are never responsible for their actions.
If you aren't to blame then it is something that happened at work,
the traffic on the way home or the slow clerk at the convenience store.
The passive aggressive has no faults, it is everyone around him/her who has
faults and they must be punished for those faults.

* Lack of Anger: He/she may never express anger. There are some who are
happy with whatever you want. On the outside anyway! The passive aggressive
may have been taught, as a child, that anger is unacceptable.
Hence they go through life stuffing their anger, being accommodating and
then sticking it to you in an under-handed way.

* Fear of Dependency: From Scott Wetlzer, author of Living With The
Passive Aggressive Man. "Unsure of his autonomy and afraid of being alone,
he fights his dependency needs, usually by trying to control you.
He wants you to think he doesn't depend on you,
but he binds himself closer than he cares to admit.
Relationships can become battle grounds, where he can only claim victory
if he denies his need for your support."

* Fear of Intimacy: The passive aggressive often can't trust.
Because of this, they guard themselves against becoming intimately attached
to someone. A passive aggressive will have sex with you but they rarely make
love to you. If they feel themselves becoming attached, they may punish you
by withholding sex.

* Obstructionism: Do you want something from your passive aggressive spouse?
If so, get ready to wait for it or maybe even never get it.
It is important to him/her that you don,t get your way.
He/she will act as if giving you what you want is important to them but,
rarely will he/she follow through with giving it.
It is very confusing to have someone appear to want to give to you but
never follow through. You can begin to feel as if you are asking too much
which is exactly what he/she wants to you to feel.

* Victimization: The passive aggressive feels they are treated unfairly.
If you get upset because he or she is constantly late, they take offense because;
in their mind, it was someone else's fault that they were late.
He/she is always the innocent victim of your unreasonable expectations,
an over-bearing boss or that slow clerk at the convenience store.

* Procrastination: The passive aggressive person believes that deadlines are
for everyone but them. They do things on their own time schedule and be damned
anyone who expects differently from them.


The Passive Aggressive and You:

The passive aggressive needs to have a relationship with someone who can be
the object of his or her hostility. They need someone whose expectations and
demands he/she can resist. A passive aggressive is usually attracted to
co-dependents, people with low self-esteem and those who find it easy to make
excuses for other's bad behaviors.

The biggest frustration in being with a passive aggressive is that they
never follow through on agreements and promises. He/she will dodge responsibility
for anything in the relationship while at the same time making it look as
if he/she is pulling his/her own weight and is a very loving partner.
The sad thing is, you can be made to believe that you are loved and adored by
a person who is completely unable to form an emotional connection with anyone.

The passive aggressive ignores problems in the relationship, sees things
through their own skewed sense of reality and if forced to deal with the
problems will completely withdraw from the relationship and you.
They will deny evidence of wrong doing, distort what you know to be real to
fit their own agenda, minimize or lie so that their version of what is real
seems more logical.

The passive aggressive will say one thing, do another, and then deny ever saying the first thing. They don't communicate their needs and wishes in a clear manner, expecting their spouse to read their mind and meet their needs. After all, if their spouse truly loved them he/she would just naturally know what they needed or wanted. The passive aggressive withholds information about how he/she feels, their ego is fragile and can't take the slightest criticism so why let you know what they are thinking or feeling? God forbid they disclose that information and you criticize them.

Confronting the Passive Aggressive:

Beware, if you confront the passive aggressive he/she will most likely sulk, give you the silent treatment or completely walk away leaving you standing there to deal with the problem alone. There are two reasons for confronting the passive aggressive. One, if done correctly you may be able to help him/her gain insight into the negative consequences of their behaviors. Two, even if that doesn't happen, it will at least give you the opportunity to talk to him/her in a frank way about how his/her behavior affects you. If nothing else you can get a few things "off your chest." Below are some ways you might approach your passive aggressive:

* Make your feelings the subject of the conversation and not his/her
bad behaviors.

* Don't attack his/her character.

* Make sure you have privacy.

* Confront him/her about one behavior at a time,
don't bring up everything at once.

* If he/she needs to retreat from the conversation allow them to do
it with dignity.

* Have a time limit, confrontation should not stretch on indefinitely.

* If he/she tries to turn the table on you, do not defend your need
to have an adult conversation about your feelings.

* Be sure he/she understands that you care about what happens to them,
that you love them and that you are not trying to control them.
You are only trying to get to the bottom of your disagreements
and make the relationship better.


Inside the Passive Aggressive:

The passive aggressive has a real desire to connect with you emotionally
but their fear of such a connection causes them to be obstructive and
engage in self-destructive habits.
He/she will be covert in their actions and it will only move him/her further
from his/her desired relationship with you.

The passive aggressive never looks internally and examines their role in a
relationship problem. They have to externalize it and blame others for
having shortcomings. To accept that he/she has flaws would be tantamount to
emotional self-destruction. They live in denial of their self-destructive
behaviors, the consequences of those behaviors and the choices they make
that cause others so much pain.

The passive aggressive objectifies the object of their desire. You are to be
used as a means to an end. Your only value is to feed his/her own emotional needs.

You are not seen as a person with feelings and needs but as an extension of
him/her. They care for you the way they care for a favorite chair.
You are there for their comfort and pleasure and are of use as long as you
fill their needs.

The passive aggressive wants the attention and attachment that comes
with loving someone but fears losing his/her independence and sense of self
to his/her spouse. They want love and attention but avoid it out of fear
of it destroying them. You have to be kept at arms length and if there is
an emotional attachment it is tenuous at best.

The only hope for change in the way they deal with relationship issues
is if they are able to acknowledge their shortcomings and contributions
to the marital problems. Facing childhood wounds, looking internally
instead of externally to find the cause of problems in their life will
help them form deeper emotional attachments with a higher sense of emotional
safety.