The Power of Three Little Words

Some of the most significant messages people deliver to one another often come in just three words. When spoken or conveyed, those statements have the power to forge new friendships, deepen old ones and restore relationships that have cooled. The following three-word phrases can enrich every relationship.

I'LL BE THERE - Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we are truly present for other people, important things happen to them and to us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. 'Being there' is at the very very core of civility.

I MISS YOU - Perhaps more marriages could be salvaged and strengthened if couples simply and sincerely said to each other, "I miss you." This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired and loved.

I RESPECT YOU - Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that
another person is a true equal. It is a powerful way to affirm the importance of a relationship.

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT - This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring
frayed emotions. The flip side of "maybe you're right" is the humility of admitting "maybe I'm wrong."

PLEASE FORGIVE ME - Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

I THANK YOU - Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.

COUNT ON ME - "A friend is one who walks in when others walk out," Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship; it is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those who are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there, indicating "you can count on me."


LET ME HELP - The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot a hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in and help.

I UNDERSTAND YOU - People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting others know in so many little ways that you understand him or her is one of the most powerful tools for healing your relationship.

GO FOR IT - Some of your friends may be non conformists, have unique projects and unusual hobbies. Support them in pursuing their interests. Rather than urging your loved ones to conform, encourage their uniqueness-everyone has dreams that no one else has.

I suppose the 3 little words that you were expecting to see have to be reserved for those who are special; that is I LOVE YOU.

Read More

Passive Aggressive

I know a couple people like this (and if you are reading this,
it's not you). It is my hot button. When someone behaves like this,
I just want to choke the life out of them.
Instead of going to jail, I choose not to be around people like this. :-)

Passive Aggressive (adj.) Of, relating to, or having a personality disorder
characterized by habitual passive resistance to demands for adequate
performance in occupational or social situations,
as by procrastination, stubbornness, sullenness, and inefficiency.

Covert (adj.) Not openly shown, engaged in,
or avowed : VEILED
Passive Aggressive Behavior Defined:

Passive Aggressive behavior is a form of covert abuse1.
When someone hits you or yells at you, you know that you've been abused.
It is obvious and easily identified. Covert abuse is subtle and
veiled or disguised by actions that appear to be normal,
at times loving and caring.
The passive aggressive person is a master at covert abuse.

Passive aggressive behavior stems from an inability to express anger
in a healthy way. A person's feelings may be so repressed that they
don't even realize they are angry or feeling resentment.
A passive aggressive can drive people around him/her crazy
and seem sincerely dismayed when confronted with their behavior.
Due to their own lack of insight into their feelings the
passive aggressive often feels that others misunderstand them or,
are holding them to unreasonable standards if they are confronted
about their behavior.

Common Passive Aggressive Behaviors:

* Ambiguity: I think of the proverb, "Actions speak louder than words"
when it comes to the passive aggressive and how ambiguous they can be.
They rarely mean what they say or say what they mean.
The best judge of how a passive aggressive feels about an issue is how they act.
Normally they don't act until after they've caused some kind of stress by
their ambiguous way of communicating.

* Forgetfulness: The passive aggressive avoids responsibility by "forgetting."
How convenient is that? There is no easier way to punish someone than forgetting
that lunch date or your birthday or, better yet, an anniversary.

* Blaming: They are never responsible for their actions.
If you aren't to blame then it is something that happened at work,
the traffic on the way home or the slow clerk at the convenience store.
The passive aggressive has no faults, it is everyone around him/her who has
faults and they must be punished for those faults.

* Lack of Anger: He/she may never express anger. There are some who are
happy with whatever you want. On the outside anyway! The passive aggressive
may have been taught, as a child, that anger is unacceptable.
Hence they go through life stuffing their anger, being accommodating and
then sticking it to you in an under-handed way.

* Fear of Dependency: From Scott Wetlzer, author of Living With The
Passive Aggressive Man. "Unsure of his autonomy and afraid of being alone,
he fights his dependency needs, usually by trying to control you.
He wants you to think he doesn't depend on you,
but he binds himself closer than he cares to admit.
Relationships can become battle grounds, where he can only claim victory
if he denies his need for your support."

* Fear of Intimacy: The passive aggressive often can't trust.
Because of this, they guard themselves against becoming intimately attached
to someone. A passive aggressive will have sex with you but they rarely make
love to you. If they feel themselves becoming attached, they may punish you
by withholding sex.

* Obstructionism: Do you want something from your passive aggressive spouse?
If so, get ready to wait for it or maybe even never get it.
It is important to him/her that you don,t get your way.
He/she will act as if giving you what you want is important to them but,
rarely will he/she follow through with giving it.
It is very confusing to have someone appear to want to give to you but
never follow through. You can begin to feel as if you are asking too much
which is exactly what he/she wants to you to feel.

* Victimization: The passive aggressive feels they are treated unfairly.
If you get upset because he or she is constantly late, they take offense because;
in their mind, it was someone else's fault that they were late.
He/she is always the innocent victim of your unreasonable expectations,
an over-bearing boss or that slow clerk at the convenience store.

* Procrastination: The passive aggressive person believes that deadlines are
for everyone but them. They do things on their own time schedule and be damned
anyone who expects differently from them.


The Passive Aggressive and You:

The passive aggressive needs to have a relationship with someone who can be
the object of his or her hostility. They need someone whose expectations and
demands he/she can resist. A passive aggressive is usually attracted to
co-dependents, people with low self-esteem and those who find it easy to make
excuses for other's bad behaviors.

The biggest frustration in being with a passive aggressive is that they
never follow through on agreements and promises. He/she will dodge responsibility
for anything in the relationship while at the same time making it look as
if he/she is pulling his/her own weight and is a very loving partner.
The sad thing is, you can be made to believe that you are loved and adored by
a person who is completely unable to form an emotional connection with anyone.

The passive aggressive ignores problems in the relationship, sees things
through their own skewed sense of reality and if forced to deal with the
problems will completely withdraw from the relationship and you.
They will deny evidence of wrong doing, distort what you know to be real to
fit their own agenda, minimize or lie so that their version of what is real
seems more logical.

The passive aggressive will say one thing, do another, and then deny ever saying the first thing. They don't communicate their needs and wishes in a clear manner, expecting their spouse to read their mind and meet their needs. After all, if their spouse truly loved them he/she would just naturally know what they needed or wanted. The passive aggressive withholds information about how he/she feels, their ego is fragile and can't take the slightest criticism so why let you know what they are thinking or feeling? God forbid they disclose that information and you criticize them.

Confronting the Passive Aggressive:

Beware, if you confront the passive aggressive he/she will most likely sulk, give you the silent treatment or completely walk away leaving you standing there to deal with the problem alone. There are two reasons for confronting the passive aggressive. One, if done correctly you may be able to help him/her gain insight into the negative consequences of their behaviors. Two, even if that doesn't happen, it will at least give you the opportunity to talk to him/her in a frank way about how his/her behavior affects you. If nothing else you can get a few things "off your chest." Below are some ways you might approach your passive aggressive:

* Make your feelings the subject of the conversation and not his/her
bad behaviors.

* Don't attack his/her character.

* Make sure you have privacy.

* Confront him/her about one behavior at a time,
don't bring up everything at once.

* If he/she needs to retreat from the conversation allow them to do
it with dignity.

* Have a time limit, confrontation should not stretch on indefinitely.

* If he/she tries to turn the table on you, do not defend your need
to have an adult conversation about your feelings.

* Be sure he/she understands that you care about what happens to them,
that you love them and that you are not trying to control them.
You are only trying to get to the bottom of your disagreements
and make the relationship better.


Inside the Passive Aggressive:

The passive aggressive has a real desire to connect with you emotionally
but their fear of such a connection causes them to be obstructive and
engage in self-destructive habits.
He/she will be covert in their actions and it will only move him/her further
from his/her desired relationship with you.

The passive aggressive never looks internally and examines their role in a
relationship problem. They have to externalize it and blame others for
having shortcomings. To accept that he/she has flaws would be tantamount to
emotional self-destruction. They live in denial of their self-destructive
behaviors, the consequences of those behaviors and the choices they make
that cause others so much pain.

The passive aggressive objectifies the object of their desire. You are to be
used as a means to an end. Your only value is to feed his/her own emotional needs.

You are not seen as a person with feelings and needs but as an extension of
him/her. They care for you the way they care for a favorite chair.
You are there for their comfort and pleasure and are of use as long as you
fill their needs.

The passive aggressive wants the attention and attachment that comes
with loving someone but fears losing his/her independence and sense of self
to his/her spouse. They want love and attention but avoid it out of fear
of it destroying them. You have to be kept at arms length and if there is
an emotional attachment it is tenuous at best.

The only hope for change in the way they deal with relationship issues
is if they are able to acknowledge their shortcomings and contributions
to the marital problems. Facing childhood wounds, looking internally
instead of externally to find the cause of problems in their life will
help them form deeper emotional attachments with a higher sense of emotional
safety.

Read More

Feeling Lost

I have been feeling pretty lost lately.
I do this when I need to turn off my feelings,
but usually they catch up with me pretty quick.

I've been having lots of problems in my life and it's been hard.
I really don't want anythg...
so turning off my feelings is the only way to make it through.
I am really trying not to argue in front of anyone,
and I try really hard not to cry in front of anyone too.
If I do cry, I tell that "It's okay to cry when you're sad
& I'm glad I have you to hug me." and then I smile.

I am more and more convinced though that
I deserve this life only. However, I don't think there is any other life for me.

There is one thing that I will stick to that "Nothing is for forever"
And, for right now, that's enough.
I have to find a way to be content with that.

I don't need to be happy. :-)
I don't think anyone does, to be honest.
Human are confusing, needy creatures.
It's their job to look out only for themselves.

I wish that at the end of the day, I could get a grade from someone on how
I spent that day. A+, B-, big fat F...whatever it would be.
At least then I would know.

I haven't really even been looking at my hair lately.
I just don't...have the energy to deal with it right now.
I really don't. I wish I could stop eating nails and just
let them grow in. They don't look horrible but I MISS my long ones.
Maybe I can make that my goal...no eating nails this week.

I'm just going through a phase right now where
I'm seriously doubting my abilities,
and I'm scared all over again that I won't be at peace.
A normal feeling for some people maybe,
but for me it's downright scary.
I just try to tell myself that God will give me the strength that I need,
that I shouldn't be afraid.
I have to just take this day by day.

I am ready to concentrate on myself again a little bit.
I gave away everything I have, and I will always do this,
but eventually Its time to start finding ME again.

What is hard is knowing that it's time for me to experience
some separation. But at the same time, I break down in tears
remembering my golden days, wishing that I could experience
it just one more time.
All my mistakes replay themselves over and over again
in my mind. It's like they won't let go.

I think I need to start focusing on more positive things.
Everything in my head seems to be negative right now.
I don't think those negative thoughts will get me very far.

But then again, sometimes I just don't know what to think.
I just pray that somehow God knows what He's doing with me.

Read More

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

When tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not there to see,

If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
all filled with tears for me,

I wish so much you wouldn't cry, the way you did today,

While thinking of the many things we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me, as much as I love you,

And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand,

That an angel came and called my name and
took me by the hand.

And said my place was ready in Heaven far above,

And that I'd have to leave behind, all those
things I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye,

For all my life, I'd always thought, I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for, so much yet to do,

It seemed almost impossible, that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad,

I thought of all the love we shared, and all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday, just even for a while,

I'd say goodbye and kiss you, and maybe
see you smile.

But then I fully realized, that could never be,

For emptiness and memories, would take
the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things, I might
miss come tomorrow,

I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was
filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through Heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.

When God looked down and smiled at me,
from his great golden throne.

He said, "This is eternity, and all I've
promised you.

Today your life on Earth is past, and
here it starts anew".

"I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last,

And since each day's the same day, there's
no longing for the past".

"But you have been so faithful, so trusting and so true,

Though there were times you did some things,
you know you shouldn't do".

"But you have been forgiven, and now at
last you're free,

So won't you take my hand now and share
My life with Me".

So when tomorrow starts without me, don't
think we're far apart,

For every time you think of me, I'm right here
in your heart.

Read More

Are we too selfish?

"Singles are selfish."
"The Selfish Generation!"
"No kids..? You must be selfish."

Today`s majority youth believes, when faced with the choice of helping others at our own expense, individuals would act selfishly to serve their self-interest.

What if everyone thought this way?

I decided to pose the question to those who says that unselfish acts are the key to a good relationship.
And good news for the faint of heart I found out is,

"Listening is the most unselfish act that you can do in any relationship."

It's important for both people to get their needs met. Men need to help around the house more by doing some of the domestics, and women need to give back to men - perhaps by doing some of things the things men like, in the bedroom ..."

One colleague confides to me that his girlfriend's selfish acts are what is eating away at their relationship.

"She goes out some nights with her friends and doesn't bother to call and tell me where she is. You've got to let the other person know you're safe, otherwise they'll worry about you, and it's a very selfish thing to do - to only think of yourself and make someone worried sick over you."

When I point out that his girlfriend often cooks him his favourite dinner (unselfishly), he tells me this: "If someone is always cooking you dinner and you're doing nothing back for them, then absolutely that's pretty selfish too. I do think it's important to be proactive in a relationship... it's just that I yet learnt to cook."

But as once said, "One of the key things for people as far as joy is concerned is not living a selfish, self-centered lifestyle where we live our lives expecting everybody else to do something for us ... "


It takes four seasons to know one long year.
Always have a positive attitude in life. Even a stopped watch is right twice a day.

Give your relationship the time it needs, the space it requires & the care it is craving for.
Don`t b so selfish MAN ! !

Read More

Be passionate..

When one is passionate there is a deep desire. A fire inside. And the will to approach life's circumstances and challenges, in a real way both to yourself and others. To explore your creative side, express yourself, in depth and knowledge. There is no need to be quiet. There is no need to hold back. Run free and explore your life. With perseverance, consistency, Always listening. The inner ability to strive on, to proceed in power love and a sound mind. Be willing, be able Strive on with passion, but let wisdom be your guard, let understanding build character in you, appreciate beauty, sincerity, purity. Keep it close never exchange it.

For it is like hidden treasure waiting to discovered !

Read More

Money Money

Hey

I am now a Insurance advisor and made myself busy operating in two trading account.
This finance sector is attracting me like anything these days. I think i have a crush on it this time.

Even though I dont know much about this stock market, commodities and other terrible terms of ECONOMICS but one of my friend is helping me out in my weak area.

I keep troubling him for all silly bullshit thing which i cant manipulate.. Thanks dost ! Thanks a lot infact!

Anyhow guys, now get yourself insured by me jaldi jaldi.. By the time lemme just check my portfolio at moneybhai..

Ameen. .! !

Read More

Tips for Stock Brokers

It is a human nature to make blunder in stock market. Though, there always a chance to learn from your mistakes and get better yourself for the long run. Here are some ways to turn into an enhanced trader.

1. Set Stop Losses and Take Profits - “Set and forget” trading is usually profitable. When you place each trade, keep in mind to place your exit and stop loss, and then let the market be your guide. Have a preset limit of how much you are keen to win and how much you can lose. Technical analysis will tell you the best price for selling and the best place for buying. Support and resistance points are the best places to put limit orders.

2. Stick to Your Weapons - Do not try to run from the market. The only way to bigger in trading profit is to stay in the game and keep trading. Running from the trades and the action will keep you beyond the market, whether it is hot or cold. Glue to your trading plan and ratify trading discipline are the keys to producing profits.

3. Eliminate high chance for trading - You would not imagine making consistent profits at the roulette wheel, and you should not do the same with your investments. The active, professional trader only takes quality trades opposed to quantity of trades.

4. Don’t watch Minute-to-Minute - Swing traders should be keen to avoiding the minute-to-minute movements. It is easy to set an exit point that will not be hit for three weeks, but then close a potentially profitable trade due to minute-by-minute movements. There is no reason to get out of a trade for quick profits if you are in for the long haul. Small difficulties create temporary stress and can reduce swing traders to day traders. Niche trading works because you are specialized in your own area.

5. Accept That Full-Time Day trading is rough - The vicissitude of full-time day trading is very stressful. Find something you can do each day to wind down and get rid of your stressful day-to-day anxiety. Stress will make you think differently and trade another way. A professional trader will need to find ways to vent their aggravation as bad days do happen to the best of traders.

6. Pick Swing Traders or Day Traders - Know exactly what kind of trader you want to be. It is difficult to be great at swing trading while next the short term movements of day trading. Describe what kind of strategy you want to follow and stick with it.

7. Don’t be attached - You are out to make money, not be married to a stock. Even if you have the feeling that this stock is “the one,” you should be ready to put it when the price is right.

8. Talk to Additional Traders - Talk to other traders with more or different experiences. Getting a feel for the markets is supreme to producing profits. If you can get trading losing to a point where it just comes logically to you, all the better.

Read More

Love yourself.. Love your life.. No matter what..!!

You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

"If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right."


Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.



"Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish."

Yeh life hai yaar. . Take it Lightly. . ! !

Read More

How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You

Unlike the movies, love doesn’t necessarily just fall into your lap. Dating or trying to date, is a complicated process that can be filled with second-guessing, presumptions and over-thinking.

Here are ten ways to make yourself more open to love. And if it doesn’t work, at least you’ll feel better about yourself. And when the next potential lover comes along, you will be ready!


1: Love yourself
Ahh, get your mind out of the gutter - I’m talking about having respect for yourself. While I know I am running the risk of sounding like a grandma, begin by covering yourself up. You may think your crush wants to see your boobs (and I’m sure he does) but that’s not going to bring you love. If you don’t have respect for yourself, you can’t expect anyone else to. Looking truly sexy is a subtle business, and when it works, it really works.

2: Keep it real
Playing hard to get is all very well, but if it’s love you want, you may want to grow up a little. Keeping it real is a much better method to finding a steady and true connection with someone. Leave the games to scrabble sessions and try to engage in some real conversations instead. Don’t worry about the three-day rule, or any rules. Show him you care by calling him if you want to. Don’t over-do it, but don’t muck him around either.

3: Have a life
One of the best things about being in love is always having someone to talk to. If you have a full and interesting life, it makes sense that you will have more intriguing conversations. And let’s face it - the physical aspect of love only takes you so far. If the two of you can pass the hours deep in conversation without even realising it, then you have potential for a real relationship. So get out there and do things.

4: Set goals
Have you ever noticed how people who know where they’re going in life are always far more interesting than those who seem confused and undecided? I’m not saying you should know exactly what the next five years will bring, but having a goal for the coming year, at least, will make it easier for the object of your affections to respect you.

5: Look after your physical wellbeing
Aside from giving you a hot body, getting some exercise releases endorphins, which in turn provides you with a happy radiance that other people will notice. And perhaps more importantly, you will notice it too. The same goes with eating well. Your skin will be better and you will feel more energetic. It’s all good stuff!

6: Look after your mental wellbeing
Ever sat down to dinner with a person who has just had a hard day? They can’t help but release their tensions by moaning and sighing. Instead of putting all your bothers onto others, why not make sure to take some relaxation time for yourself? Some options are to go to a yoga class, read a book or take a walk.

7: Be positive
Similarly, conversing with a negative person is draining. Try to cut gossip out of your life, or at least keep it for that special friend (we all have a gossip friend!). Talking others down doesn’t make you look any better; it just makes you seem insecure. Try to turn your negative thoughts into positive ones and you may feel better about yourself too.

8: Listen
If you want someone to love you, you need to make sure you love them too. So, listen when they speak. Think about what they are saying and respond. Sounds simple, but when we’re trying to impress it’s easy to forget this basic social skill. Relax - whatever you desperately want them to know will come out in time. Instead, take the time to learn about them.

9: Trust your instincts
This goes back to number two - don’t play games! Teach yourself to have the confidence to act upon your notions. If you think it’s going well and you feel like kissing him - kiss him. Confidence is sexy. It’s also time-saving, as you don’t have to waste precious moments wondering about what each other are thinking. Don’t kid yourself, you know what they’re thinking. Or at least there is a good chance you do. Take that chance!

10: Be yourself
I know what you're wondering 'What do you mean be myself? I don’t have the confidence to trust my instincts, I don’t have goals and I have a boring life!' Well, all of the above tips are about being a new, relaxed you. These are not ways to act, but ways to be. And if you want someone to love you, you will need to make sure you are truly being real. That doesn’t mean you should fart or admit your foot fetish on the first date, but don’t giggle like a schoolgirl either. It’s you who’s going to be there when this relationship continues into the years, so keep it real and you will thank yourself for it later.

Read More

long distance relationship (LDR)

As you’re all probably aware, In a long distance relationship (LDR). It’s at about this point when I hear a rousing chorus of “WHY?!” from those who are reading. Well, it’s something I’ve been asking myself and something everyone who is apart from their significant other should ask themselves. But let’s backtrack to how it all begun. It can be summed up in one word. Cliché. Need I say more? It just clicked. Anyway things happened quickly, you tend to speed things up when you’re dealing with a lack of time. One minute we were saying that it was just a fling and we should say goodbye, next moment we were checking out the best calling plan because we’d decided we wanted to see what would happen. Basically, we didn’t want it to end. But we knew we’d have to do the distance thing. We didn’t plan anything, we just figured it out as we went along. For those who have been in this situation, you know what I mean when I say it’s hard. It’s really hard. Sometime the phone just doesn’t connect it, some days all you want is a hug from your boy and you can’t have it. They say that communication is the basis of any good relationship, well in a LDR it is a necessity. Without that, you have nothing. You need to be honest and open, and for someone like me who isn’t great at expressing herself it’s been a challenge. If anyone had any trust issues when they started this, they all had to go. Of course you have to feel strongly about the person you’re doing this with but without trust then you shouldn’t bother. You will never know who they’re out with or what they’re doing, even for the most self-assured girl it would be tough. Trust and honesty, both necessary, but two of the hardest things to have. Strangely enough, the hardest thing for me to have to deal with has been the reaction from other people. I’m sure they don’t mean to be anything less than supportive but when you’re constantly being told that it’ll be hard and that it’ll never last, it makes everything a little more difficult. I already know that it’s hard, it’s one that’s involved but it’s not something one have gone into lightly. Everyone has an opinion when it comes to this and everyone thinks their answer is the right one. What I’ve discovered is that we have had to figure out what’s right for us, without listening to everybody else’s doubt. For me, what it comes down to is that I’ve met someone who can deal with my interesting ways. He just happens to live in some other place. All relationships have issues that need to be dealt to and this is ours. We make do with the phone and email, our phone bills are huge but the way I see it is, if he were here we’d be going out a lot so we’re probably saving money. We talk so often that we probably know each other better than a lot of other couples who have been together for the same amount of time. The best thing is that he’s coming back. It was important for me to know that there was more to his decision than just us, I can’t be the only reason for him turning his life upside down. He’s already got a great group of friends here, he’s got family and he’s just got a job so when he does get back, things can be normal. I never thought I’d want a normal, everyday relationship and that’s the beauty of distance. You can find out what you both want, you’ve got time to get to know each other without all the other crap that comes with the beginning part of a relationship. The distance has made me appreciate what we have so when he does come, I know I won’t take it for granted

Read More

True Sharing

A crow found a piece of meat. The moment it picked up the meat, the other crows and eagles began chasing it. The crow soared higher and higher to safeguard the meat. The others chased it relentlessly. Then, suddenly, the crow dropped the meat; the crows and eagles left the chase, and dived towards the meat that had fallen to the ground.

Now that the crow was free from its pursuers, it realised a great truth. "I lost the meat, but then, I have gained great freedom!" Similarly, if we drop our ego, our life will get released from tension. Just as the crow could fly at will in the vast sky, we too can soar in the beauty of life!

Vedas have four sections — Moksha Shastra, Artha Shastra, Kama Shastra and Dharma Shastra. The Moksha Shastra says: "Only when we drop our ego, do we realise the bliss that is within us!" The Artha Shastra advocates: "Earn money out of love; not out of greed".

Greed can never satisfy us. The Kama Shastra advocates: "Convert sex into prayer". The Dharma Shastra says: "Let goodness, not ambition, be the foundation of life". Out of goodness, let ambition arise.

Our parents, siblings, spouse and children deserve our love and care. But while we do not share everything with them, we confide freely with a few friends. Over a period of time, a feeling of intimacy develops.

To help intimacy grow in your marital relationship; treat your spouse as your friend. Let there be transparency in your words and deeds. Some declare with pride, "I do not discuss office matters at home!" The reason given by couples is, "If I share office matters with my spouse, it might not be understood. It might lead to confusion and worry". This may be true to some extent.

But it is not so difficult to overcome this simple hurdle, it is to prevent a wall rising between the two of you.

When you share your troubles, dreams or worries... what will a good friend do? He would just listen, letting you unburden yourself. He would create an atmosphere for meaningful sharing. Mother Teresa would say: "Don't spend your time in judging others; then you will not have time to love them!"

It is absolutely essential that such an intimacy exists between husband and wife. It is worth looking at an advice provided in Christianity to nourish the intimacy between husband, wife and children. "The family that prays together stays together!"

In married life, you have to compromise on certain issues which you may not really like or enjoy. One should learn to accommodate the other's likes and dislikes. Intimacy is bound to develop in the environment of such readiness to accommodate.

You receive as much as you give. One is more blessed in giving than in receiving. One should develop an attitude of giving in to the taste and interest of the spouse on less important issues.

You have to learn to like what you dislike too and even dislike what you like; so that you are above likes and dislikes. Then you will have likes and dislikes, instead of likes and dislikes having you! This is true mastery. Be a master of likes and dislikes.

Read More