Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Wounded by Love Agreement

The convention on the wounded by Love Agreement

General Provision:

Considering that it’s absolutely correct the saying that states that “all is fair in love and war”;

Considering that in war we have the Geneva Convention, adopted in August 22nd of 1864, that determines the fate of the wounded in battlefields whereas there is no convention that was promulgated until this day that deals with the wounded of love, who are much more populous;

It is here declared that:

Art. 1 – all lovers, male or female, are now being notified that love, besides being a blessing, is also something very dangerous, unpredictable and able to cause serious damages. Consequently the one who decides to love has to know that his or her body and soul are exposed to many types of wounds and will not be able to blame the partner in any moment, since the risk is equal to both.

Art. 2- Once a lost arrow from the bow of Cupid hits a person, that person has to immediately ask the archer to dart another arrow in the opposite direction, so that one will not fall prey to the wound famously known as “non-reciprocal love”. In case Cupid refuses such act, the Convention here promulgated demands that the wounded immediately retrieve the arrow from his heart and throw it in the bin.

In order to achieve this effect, the wounded has to avoid phone calls, internet messages, flower deliveries, or any other act of seduction, since these acts only achieve short term results and are inevitably erased by time. The convention declares that the wounded has to quickly seek the company of other people in order to control the obsessive thought “it’s still worth fighting for this person”.

Art. 3 – In case the wound comes from third parties, meaning, the loved one is interested by someone else who was not expected in the pre-established plans, it is hereby expressly forbidden any act of revenge. In this case, it is permitted the profuse use of tears, some punches on the wall or pillow, talks with friends where the wounded can freely insult the ex-partner, allege his or her complete lack of good taste, but refraining to lessen the partner’s honor.

The convention determines that art. 2 can also be applied: the wounded may seek the company of other people, preferably in places where the partner does not dwell.

Art. 4 – In case of light wounds, hereby classified as small betrayals, fulminating passions that do not last long, transitory sexual disinterest, one has to quickly and abundantly apply a medicine called Forgiveness. Once this medicine is applied, one must never look back and the subject must be completely forgotten, never being mentioned as an argument in occasional fights or moments of hate.

Art. 5 – In the case of definitive wounds, also called “break-ups”, the only medicine capable of truly healing one’s heart is Time. It’s pointless and ineffective to find consolation with fortune-tellers (who will always claim that the lost love will return), romantic books (in which the endings are always happy ones), TV soap operas or other similar things. One has to suffer with intensity, completely avoiding the use of drugs, painkillers, prayers. Alcohol is only allowed in moderation, never surpassing more than two glasses of wine a day.

Final Provision: the wounded of love, contrary to the wounded of armed conflicts, are neither victims nor torturers. They have chosen something that is part of life and therefore they have to face the agony and the ecstasy of their choice.

And for those that were never wounded by love, they will never be able to say: “I lived”. Because they haven’t.

This text was written in Geneva, June 25th, 2007


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