Tuesday, November 1, 2011

How To Get What You Want

Asking people for what we want can sometimes be a difficult process involving awkward discussions and potential conflict. However, it doesn’t have to be that way.




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The secret to getting what you want from other people is to develop a genuine sense of reciprocity by giving before you receive.
The term ‘reciprocity’ describes the expectation that people will respond to you in the same way that you respond to them. So if you give another person something of value, they will be much more inclined to give you something in return.
Next time you want something from someone, instead of simply asking or demanding what you want, try using the following Reciprocity Formula.
The Reciprocity Formula
Step 1: Analyse the situation from the other person’s point of view and try to identify what they currently want. If you can’t figure out what they want, the best thing to do is to ask them.
Step 2: When you have identified the main thing they want, present your case by saying something like, "If I help you achieve… [what they want], could we discuss… [what you want]. Most reasonable people will be open to this approach because they are receiving before they have to give.
Step 3: Follow through and help the other person achieve their objective. The more time and effort you put in during this step, the more reciprocity you will develop.
Step 4: When you have achieved the objective you agreed upon, revisit your initial discussion and ask for what you originally wanted.
Here’s an example that shows how the Reciprocity Formula works in the real world:
Sherry worked as a Sales Rep in a software company and wanted to ask her boss for a raise. From previous experience, she knew that simply asking for a raise was rarely effective so she decided to apply the Reciprocity Formula.
Step 1: Sherry had lunch with her boss and asked him what his major goal was for the quarter. He informed her that what he really wanted was to sell 1000 copies of the companies new accounting software before the end of the financial year.
Step 2: Sherry then presented her case by saying, "If I can sell 1000 copies of the new accounting software by June 30th, would you be open to discussing a raise?" Her boss said he’d be happy to.
Step 3: Sherry got down to work and devised a viral marketing campaign on the Internet. She worked extremely hard and her boss could see that she was serious about achieving her goal.
Step 4: Sherry achieved her sales goal and arranged to have lunch with her boss again. In a three month time frame, she’d added a great deal of value to the company and in doing so, she’d also built up a genuine sense of reciprocity with her boss. Over lunch, Sherry’s boss confirmed that he would be happy to give her a raise.
Giving before you receive and developing a genuine sense of reciprocity is one of the most effective ways to get what you want from other people. So today, I’d like to encourage you to use the Reciprocity Formula to develop true WIN-WIN agreements that will help you achieve your most important life goals.

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